There was a lawyer who was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his lovely wife was sitting by his bed side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You are beautiful" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had not heard him say that in a long time so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later his eyes fluttered open again and he said "You are cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said "What happened to 'beautiful"? His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!".
Life is full of surprises - I feel like I am on a long non-ending journey.At one point I thought I had 'arrived' but I'm still going. I do not want to be afraid of going slowly, but I think am afraid of standing still. I have always followed my heart and taken my brain with me, and prayed and trusted that it's gonna be ok.
I am having some down moment. My emotions are all over today. I am reminded of when I was growing up in Africa and as a young teenager I struggled with self image. My friends went on to wear short skirts and high heels while I was stuck in polio boots and long skirts to cover my legs. I was a keen reader and I discovered some trashy English romantic novels. I enjoyed reading about how the hero and heroine fell in love with each other. I liked the way they always lived happily ever after, but I often wondered if I would ever find that kind of perfect love because of my far from perfect body.
In fact when I read about the beautiful characters, I couldn't help wondering how someone would write about me. How could the flowery language be adapted to describe my callipers and crutches then in Africa and now as a wheelchair user living in the UK - I think it would take a literary genius to make my body sound appealing in a romantic book. I thought I had overgrown my past but some things come and shake us so hard that we feel like we are going backwards instead of moving forward.
I am here in beautiful Switzerland training and competing in the most amazing atmosphere but I am struggling emotionally. I am only human and it's perfectly ok to feel this weak. I always look for something positive in each day but to be honest today I am having to look a bit harder.
I love the simple story of Cinderella, she meets her prince, gets married, has babies, and who knows - may be she went back to cleaning and cooking all day and may be the prince never took her to another ball,or may be she had servants and went to every ball. Life is a mystery, and I know our best stories will come from our struggles so I am not giving up at all!!!!!
Labels: Africa, anaesthesia, beautiful, callipers, Cinderella, crutches, cute, lawyer, love, polio, polio boots, racing, romantic, Switzerland, wheelchair